my minds journey

Who is this God?

2007-01-23T20:26:00.000+11:00

It was mentioned at Church on Sunday that our understanding of who God is directly shapes our response to God.
On reflection I came to realise that the image we have of God will determine our thoughts about God, the world our response to mission, to the environment, other people.
It was a challenge to me to consider what my image of God is and how this image influences how I live and respond to God.
Part of the challenge is to examine what forms my image of God and how I have come to create this image.

Another interesting thought I have pondered this week... Seemingly unanswered prayer.
We consider Jesus prayer the night he was crucified, "take this cup from me..." An unanswered prayer, if you believe that Jesus was crucified and died. We often come to God in prayer frustrated when we don't get an answer, or the answer we were hoping for. There is something to that, the fact that Jesus prayed and did not receive an answer.

Creating home...

2007-01-14T14:14:00.000+11:00

We had our first full week in Footscray this week. I am still on holidays from work, so I have had plenty of time for just "being" and the flexibility to do more than I might in a usual week.

It is nice to have most of our stuff unpacked and not be living out of a suitcase, I feel like I can settle in and begin to make this place my home. I now have some idea about where places are and am getting to know people in the community, well at least at a surface level.

Church was a challenge today. We were talking about giving/sharing, in the context of a parable in Mark, "Jesus feeds the 5000" Someone was sharing about how they were trying not to buy anything new, but to buy something second hand (Obviously, staple items such as food, they bought new)

Their motivation for this was to help minimise the consumption of things in our world and reduce the need for more "stuff" to be created. It is a challenge to me. I don't go and buy new stuff all the time, but I do buy new things without even thinking if I could get them second hand. It has made me stop and consider how much I consume and how sustainable it is.

well rested...

2007-01-07T20:12:00.000+11:00

My husband Liam and I have just come back from some time away. It was a lovely holiday, nothing overly special, but a time to stop and be together, a time to stop and relax without the need to be anywhere!

I am feeling remarkably refreshed and renewed. I am feeling ready to face a new year of new challenges and new adventures!

Liam has been reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer and he has been reading some of to me. (I know it's slack!! I'm not a heavy reader!!)
Bonhoeffer has been discussing the Sermon on the Mont. What a challenge!

"Love your enemy" says Jesus. Bonhoeffer reminds us that this love isn't just being superficially poliet - but a deep sense of compassion towards our enenies (the same love we have for ourselves and our friends)!

What a challenge! A challenge that I have failed many times. As I came to the realisation that the love that Jesus talks about is so deep that I cannot understand it, I came to realise how much I need God to show how to love and to create this love inside me. For I will not possess this love in my own doing, it must come from God.

stories...

2006-12-29T11:30:00.000+11:00

Liam and I had dinner with my Grandma (Gran) and My Great Uncle (affectionately know as Gruncle Ron), it was a lovely meal. As the dinner progressed we moved into a time where Gran and Gruncle Ron began to reminiss events from their childhood.
It was a lovely time of sharing, one of those moments I value.

"You must be tired of hearing our ramblings" Gran commented, but I felt quite the contrary, I really value the stories she has to share. They form part of my heritage not only on a broad scale, hearing about life before cellotape and plastic bags, but also on a personal level, hearing about the cockatoo that flatly stated to the milkman, "No milk today."

These stories are memories of those who have gone before me and I hope to pass these stories, along with my own to the generations that follow me. It is through these stories that the memory of those we have loved continue to live in our hearts.

A time of storytelling around the table after a good feed (care of my husband a great cook!) is a time more precious than gold!

Reflecting further on the stories we share between generations leads me to recall the stories of the bible and how they were originally shared through stories told to each other, perhaps recalled after a good feed. Stories that brought hope and revelation of who God was. Stories that shared the life of Jesus, God incarnate.

Stories past down generations that form the basis of a community of faith that continues to evolve and deepen.

hello... goodbye

2006-12-17T21:44:00.000+11:00

Life can be measured by how well we welcome and let go...

Life is full of comings and goings, we move through many stages over our lifespan. Childhood to Adolescene, Adolescene to Young Adulthood, Marriage, Becoming a parent, Becoming a parent with adult children, Working, Retired, Elderly and that's just a few!

Today was a day of change for me, well I guess it is a signifcant day amoungst the change.
We are moving house, not just house, but suburbs.

Most significantly it means leaving friends and an adopted family that I have made in the place I have called home over the past three years. It took me a long time to make this place home. But now that I am leaving, I realise how precious this place has been to me. I have been truly blessed by the people here and I am truly sad to leave. I will miss them a lot!

I feel excited about my new venture, the opportunity and the new challenge. As well as feeling slightly anxious about what lies ahead or me. But my anxiety is calmed as I remember my motivation for change, it is what I feel God has called me to.

A time of mixed feelings, of deep sadness of what I leave behind and of excitment of the opportunities!

So as I let go of this part of my life, I welcome something new...

That curious parent child relationship - what are the influencing factors?

2006-11-30T20:49:00.000+11:00

The second year cadets had their silver star luncheon today, it is the meal where the parents, well the mother I believe, is given a silver star upon the pending commissioning of their child as an officer. It got me thinking about parents in general. People have such a variety of relationships with their parents. In many eases, the parent has implicity or expliciting had an influence on who the child becomes. This biological parent provides nature, the child rearers the nurture. In many cases the two are but one and the same. What an influence - yet in many ways I feel it unfair to heap all the 'blame' on the parents. I read one article that spoke of children as strangers entering the space of your home. People in their own right, whom the parent learns about and gets to know. I guess I found this freeing for the child, a restoration of the child as an individual is part of a greater community, even as small as the family. It would be just asa naive to claim the parents had no influence as to claim they held full responsibilty.

I am reading a book, "We need to talk about Kevin," in which a mother reflects on her journey as a mother to a son who at 16 commits a murderous act. It very blatantly asks the question, just how much did she shape what her son had become? I'm often told that know my mother, "oh you're so like your mother." I see in myself aspects of my parents that I like and perhaps some traits that I am less comfortable with. It begs the question just how much do our parents shape who we become? Whe do we begin to take responsibility for it ourselves?

I think in some cases I have felt a sense of responsibility for my parents, for their behaviour, for who they are. Yet I am led to question myself as to where my responsibility stops and theirs begins.

In some ways I guesss it is not dissimilar to the embarassment of a young person when their parent is in the presence of their peers. the embarassment is caused by the feeling of responsibility the young person has for the parent's actions. Yet in reality the child has usually little contol, much less responsibility for their parents behaviour. The point of my ramblings is to explore the curious link we have with those who we call family.

To what extent is the parent responsible for the child they produce? Following on from that, as a child to what extent is a parent a reflection on the child?

Chocolat

2006-11-17T18:44:00.000+11:00

A Lasse Hallstrom film, Chocolat delights the senses and evokes a sense of passion for life. Vianne, driven by the north wind arrives in the small town Lansquenet, with her daughter Anouk to open a chocolaterie using recipes over a thousand years old. Vianne enters the stark town and is welcomed by the Comte de Reynaud, the Mayor of Lansquenet, who has extraordinary control over the church and consequently the entire town. This relationship becomes one of frustration as Comte de Reynaud realises that Vianne will not comply with his expectations and social norms. This is highlighted by her refusal to attend church. Controversially, Vianne opens her chocolatier (during Lent!) and proceeds to reach into the hearts of the people in the community through her chocolate. However, not without facing the many obstacles forced upon her by the Comte. The story reveals the harsh reality of who is included and who is excluded and contemplates what it means to belong. It highlights the tension between what it means to deny oneself and what it is to be free in Christ. It explores the concepts of sin, redemption and forgiveness.

Although labelled as evil by the Comte de Reynaud, Vianne’s chocolatier is a place of acceptance and refuge for many in the town who are hurting. Francoise Drou enters the shop for the first time and Vianne connects with her in the usual way selecting a chocolate she believes will be her guest’s favourite. Vianne sends a gift home with Francoise for her husband to lift his libido and consequently the couple become regular visitors to the shop. I can not help but sense some form of renewal for their marriage as a result of their encounter with Vianne and her magical chocolates. Curiosity overcomes Josephine as she takes a look inside the Chocolaterie. A withdrawn woman, viewed by others as quite deranged, Josephine is persistently loved by Vianne and finds her value from this encounter. Vianne’s openness to share her chocolates with the people seems to create a sense of acceptance. Then almost like magic, the chocolate melts the social rigidities forced upon the people of the community. Josephine shares with Vianne in response to her invitation and the relationship blossoms, eventually giving Josephine the courage to leave her abusive husband and become confident in herself. Josephine begins to work in the shop and finds some purpose in her life. Once again renewal is revealed through this encounter, Josephine has been redeemed. It is in the Chocolaterie that Vianne brings together Armande Voizin and her estranged grandson Lu. In the refuge of the shop around a big mug of hot chocolate the love between Grandma and Grandson is ignited and another relationship is redeemed. But what about Serge (Josephine’s husband), does he find restitution? He is forced to confess his sin and to change his way by the Comte de Reynaud. However, there is a strong sense that Serge does not find any freedom or forgiveness in his acts. Sadly, Serge is used by the Comte to publicly illustrate the Comte’s understanding of sin and redemption. However, for the Comte de Reynaud there comes a point when he banishes Serge from the town, almost casting him aside as unredeemable. What will become of the dear old Comte? It appears to me that he finds restitution when he is set free from the things that bind him and cause him to become pious and judgemental, perhaps when he is broken he is truly redeemed.

Vianne’s open hospitality creates a space where all people are welcome and validated. Unlike the hospitality of the church people, the chocolatier is a place where all people have the opportunity to be included. The gypsies came to town and are excluded from every shop, except the Chocolaterie. Vianne welcomes them into her home almost in spite of those who reject them. Vianne and her crew bring together an amazing meal for Armande’s birthday party. After enjoying a delicious main course together Vianne announces that dessert will be held on the gypsies’ boat. This is followed by a moment of great tension as the people of the town are confronted with the challenge to interact directly with the outsiders. However, the people join together on the boat for dessert and appear to have a wonderful time together. From the shore, it is those who could not accept these outsiders who wallow in their grief. This meal demonstrates how the sharing of a meal can break down the tension between people and create a deeper level of acceptance for each other. When considering those who would consider themselves “in” and the others, it appears that the “insiders” are so much more miserable than the “outsiders.”

This leads me to ponder what it means to be free in Christ and how self denial is connected to that. It is Lent and the “holy” people of the church have given up all indulgences until easter. The main characters who are striving for this are Comte de Reynaud, Caroline Clairmont, the priest, Serge (during his attempted redemption) and Lu Clairmnt (under the instruction of his mother). Consequently, these characters are obliged to refuse any hospitality offered by Vianne through her chocolates. Throughout the film one cannot help but notice that those who are miserable are the Comte, Serge and Caroline. It seems that their act of self denial has become an act that binds them. Meanwhile Lu (without his mother’s knowledge) makes the decision to stop his fast and indulge while he is at the Chocolaterie. Lu, along with the others who venture into the shop and experience the hospitality of Vianne appear to have found a new freedom in their lives. It leads me to question what Jesus meant when he said that he came to give life in all its fulness. In the film, those who experience life in its fullness are those who were accepted by Vianne and received redemption in their lives: Josephine, the Drous, Lu and Armande. The denial of self for the others led to frustration and a determination to be good by their own means. The Comte becomes increasingly frustrated and eventually cracks. Eventually, the Comte breaks into the Chocolaterie and indulges in the chocolates. Vianne accepts the Comte de Reynaud as she does anyone else who enters her shop. The peace that the Comte was striving for was found in Vianne and those who accepted her hospitality. However, I do not believe that the fullness of life was a result of indulgence rather a recognition of the need to change. Looking deeper into Vianne’s character she did display self denial during the film. Vianne denied her own acceptance from others by accepting those who were considered outsiders. Perhaps self denial can lead to fullness of life if we undertake it with a more helpful attitude. Rather than seeking holiness through self denial as something to separate the good from the bad, we need to discover how self denial can bring people together. The film encourages us to look deeper into our understanding of what it means to be a good Christian. In his final sermon, the priest says that the people need to “measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create and who we include.” This is statement encapsulates the main message of the film and on reflection it is embodied through the hospitality displayed by Vianne and her daughter Anuk.

Finally, near the closing of the film, all the towns people come together embracing Vianne’s hospitable attitude and create a feast for Easter Sunday. This act of love displays the enormous impact that Vianne’s character has had in their lives. Surrounded by food and celebration the people come together, even the Comte, and the small town Lansquenet, has been redeemed.

I could not help but shed a tear of joy as the people finally embraced one another. My immediate response to the film was to be challenged by how people see God’s hospitality reflected in my life and encouraged me to question if I am as accepting and loving as Vianne. I can identify with many of the characters, who identify aspects about my own behaviour and attitudes that I share. Some of the realisations act as an encouragement while others speak out against unhelpful attitudes that I may hold. I do not believe that one can be passive as the enter the world of Chocolat. It draws you in and holds you there as you journey with the characters throughout their turmoil and joy. Gradually you realise it is the characters’ willingness to value each other which unites them and creates a sense of community around the table.

Choices...

2006-10-31T15:44:00.000+11:00

Last night we finished reading the Sermon on the Mont in Bible Study, it was the first time I think i have fully understood the story of the wise man building his house on the rock and the foolish man building his house on the sand! Well, it was very real for me! It's not easy to build our house on the rock! But it sure beats being foolish.

Uni is almost finished and I hope to blog the many thoughts that it has created for me soon, but been flat out trying to get assigments in!

Just leave with a quote...

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you're already got!"

Love

2006-09-17T22:44:00.000+10:00

Today we had greenthirst (an all day prayer) at church. The focus of the day was love makes the world go around.
We reflected a lot about love, things that it isn't and things that it is. I am really challenged by the notion of what true love really means, and how I can reflect that in my own life. Without love I have nothing, so it certainly is worth developing this deep sense of what love is and how I can share it.

I was talking to Liam about this amoung other things, and it keeps coming back to what it really means to be all these things we strive to be. Ironically, when I decide that I am humble, I am exactly the opposite, similarly with love, when I think I have love, am I not boasting. These things seem almost illusive, yet so valuable.

Deny thyself and take up your cross

2006-09-16T22:27:00.000+10:00

We talked about self care in pastoral care on thursday night.
It is an area I struggle with, I guess I have always thought that I have to work hard and therefore anything for "me" goes to the bottom of the list. Very often I don't get to the bottom of the list.

A concept that I believe is a crucial part of faith is to "deny yourself and take up your cross." This has shaped my understanding of God and my understanding of my response to God.

However, sometimes my understanding of deny self sits in tension with self care. (I hold both to be important to be my faith and my own self growth).

We talked briefly about it in class and it got me thinking, "what is self?" and "what does it really mean to deny ourself?", "Can we deny ourselves so much that their is no self and therefore nothing left?"

I will consider these questions more deeply and keep you posted. I am interested of your thoughts.

How much would you pay for eternal life?

2006-08-26T17:21:00.000+10:00

I read in the paper today about an Australian biologist who is planning on building a cryogenics centre to freeze the dead, apparantly it would be the world's third centre. They freeze the bodies with the plan to bring them back to life when the technoligy is available. A few thoughts come to my mind....

Firstly, what if they don't get the technology? (well I guess you are no worse off)

Second, what about the grieving process? How do the family grieve?

This leads into my thrid question, Is this desire to be frozen and brought back to life (extending ones life, maybe the concept of living forever) related to a need we have as humans to live forever?
For example, Christians believe in heaven, Some people believe in reincarnation, while others believe their spirits keep living through their family.

Forth, would anyone with a faith do this?

Fifth, When would you bring the person back? (For example, at what stage of the future?)

Sixth, When does it stop? Do I just keep getting frozen every time I die or when there is no cure for a sickness I have?

Seven, I think the rich would be the ones to afford it, so would the poor die out while the greedy rich continue to overconsume?

Linked to question seven, Eight, Do we have to stop having children because all the old people who don't die have filled up the population? Where will all these frozen people go when the earth's resources are used? Mars, until that planet is destroyed, then the next?

Nine, How is our spirituality related to this?

Ten, Who decides if you are "worthy" to be brought back to life? How do you fit into life in a new world?

Anway, just my questions. I can't say I am really in favour of the whole thing.

community

2006-08-20T19:12:00.000+10:00

So today at church we talked about community....

We all drew a garden that represented our community. It was good because everyone got involved in the discussion and everyone has some really good stuff to say.

I think we identified that a good community needs trust and honesty as well as forgiveness.

I think it also needs love, I guess part of love is trust, forgiveness, honesty and grace.

Someone reminded us of the bible verse that says, the wounds of a friend are better than kisses from an enemy.
This is so true, a friend speaks honesty in love... they do this because there is trust in the friendship.
While an enemy will let us go on our way not caring if we are going in the wrong direction.

Someone else mentioned that sometimes this confrontation is hard, yes I agree, I myself do not enjoy confrontation.
However, I do think that part of a true friendship is trust and part of trust is faith, faith that we can share honestly with our friends.

Obviously we are looking at an ideal community situation, however, none of us are perfect so the community will never be perfect. Maybe what we can do with our Christian community to make it unique is find ways of working through these imperfections together.

It seems strange but most of the best things and most fulfilling things in life will come out of something hard.

Toss the feathers!

2006-08-19T16:10:00.000+10:00

So today I bought some songs with the itunes card Liam gave me for my birthday, I got my favourite song of all time, "Toss the feathers" by "The Corrs" I enjoy their music, especially the instrumental ones.

I am hungry.... I am on the 40 hour famine.

On Tuesday in class we discussed the importance of basic needs. It is only when our basic needs are met that we can start to look at the "big ideas." In class we were considering the importance of basic needs such as being fed, having rest and having companionship. Three very basic needs, yet it is these needs that can open the gateway to meet the "big" needs.

Right now, I can vouch for the fact that my hunger is clouding how I feel. I feel tired, in fact lethargic, my head hurts and my stomach groans. Yet this is daily a reality for so many people in our world. I know that there is a time limit on this, I take much relief in the fact that tomorrow lunch time I will have food. I have thought (a lot) about what I will eat, and I am counting down the hours.

Yet for some people this feeling has no time limit. It is endless, an everyday a struggle to fulfill these basic needs.

Thinking of that makes me stop and think what a complianer I am... I have missed two meals today and I'm tired. I can walk to a tap (two steps away) and have a glass of water - but not everyone can.

I'm now listening to "Born to Try" by Delta Goodrem, .... " you gotta make choices... be wrong or right, sometimes you gotta sacrifice the things you like...but I was born to try" The words are quiet appropriate. Sometimes you do have to sacrifice the things you like.... maybe I can't overcome poverty, but I was born to try my best in my little corner of the earth!

no... I'm not talking about you!

2006-08-13T19:52:00.000+10:00

Beware the scattered mind of melissa at the present time:

->My pet hate, being lied to! It is something that arouses frustration inside me that I just can't seem to overlook.
In some of my life situations, it is inevitable that I will be lied to, sad but a fact of life. I know I should accept it - but it really makes me angry. Especially when all you want to do is help someone or when you know the lie is only going to make life worse for them. See that is why it is so weird that I get so very frustrated, in reality the lies that I get angry with do not usually effect me. My life is not really any different if they tell me the truth or not. But the other person's life could be, and often their life is effected by the lie in a negative way. It may be positive or safe in the beginning, but the truth is that it will hurt them in the end.

I think that when someone lies to me I get upset for the following reasons:
* It insults my intelligence!!
* It is hurting them (usually I only get upset if someone I care about lies to me).
* I am powerless to help
* The person is not being genuine with me
* It reduces trust in a relationship

So... I am currently working on letting it go!!!!! Not being frustrated when I am lied to.

-> A constant tension for me is that of "being professional" and "being Christian" - So yes I studied Social Welfare and I was taught about professional boundaries, we went over the concept of burnout. I am aware of the need to leave work at work and have home at home. But my understanding of the Christian faith is that I am called to do "the Christian thing" in every aspect of my life. I am called to love beyond a professional love. I am called to be open and in an equal relationship with people - genuine friendships, not ones built on professional boundaries. Yet it is still necesary for me to have a space, a space for me and for my marriage. How do I reconcile these values?

-> In pastoral care we discussed motivation for helping: One thing that I have stopped and considered is that "I help for the title" Now this is a concept that I guess I have been fighting in part. I wanted to work in the community services field because I have a desire to help people, I have a deep concern for those who are hurting. When I found myself spending most of my paid hours of work in administration I became very frustrated. Yes I am engaged in work in community services but it is only on a casual or voluntary basis. So when I am meeting new people or catching up with old freinds, the question always comes up..."What do you do?" "Where do you work?" I hate this question. For me, my paid work is a way of living! It means I can pay the rent, eat etc. But is does NOT define who I am. For me, who I am is more closely tied to the other parts of my living. Yes I am upset at times that I have not got a job doing what I love or enjoy, but I think the fact that I haven't has allowed me time to find out that a job title shouldn't define who I am. But the question "What is my motivation to help?" still stands and is one I think I should always be asking.

-> God can be quite strange I think. I just don't understand him, I just don't get it. Anyway I hope I get it soon. Or maybe I won't, which is highly likely.

A reflection

2006-07-29T17:01:00.000+10:00

The previous post is written in the first person, but I have set myself in the shoes of a man who knew Jesus. A Pharisee who life was changed by his interaction with an incredible man named Jesus.

A reflection

2006-07-29T16:59:00.000+10:00

Stunned. Is the way I feel right now. Completely puzzled and slightly riddled with regret. I guess I should explain...

You see I have always believed in the Messiah, always thought that he would come and save us. There has been too many that have come and gone, seemingly lacking in what the Messiah should be. One such man has left me confused.

At first I thought him heretical, his spoke against all the laws I spent my life upholding. Everything I that I valued he seemed to dismiss. He was amazing, no doubt that he could draw a crowd and certainly create some sort of commotion. He was a quick thinker too, always had an answer. Never seemed to fail our testing. I think that drove most of us into frustration. Everything I valued he turned up side down.

I waited for a conquerer, someone to overthrow the evil rulers and restore righteousness to our land. I waited for the mighty Messiah to save us. I lived righteously, I claimed purity, I thought myself a decent person just trying to uphold my faith.

I stood by as this man mocked the rules I so carefully followed. I stood by while this man told me that people like me would not see the kingdom. Well, that riled something inside me. How dare this man claim holiness yet behave so unholy. He never slipped up in his words, but the challenge was constantly there. He kept grinding away at the same old tune. He spent time with the sinners, those who hadn’t even tried to follow the path of righteousness. He stopped in at my mates house once, told us that we who sat in places of honour would be moved to places of shame. He messed with my head something shocking! I’m just an honest man trying to live a life of faith, a decent man who has earned certain privileges and blessings in this life. Yet he lifted those below us and praised them for having great faith. He told those sinners that they would be sitting in the kingdom of heaven.

Yes he made me mad, in fact he made me furious. I wanted to right him of as a madman like so many of my friends had done. Yet there was something about him, a sense of power, of authority that I could not shake him off.

But something had to be done. He couldn’t go on like this. The poor and those sinners could not have faith like us, they could not be holy like us. Obviously they were poor for a reason, sin no doubt. Righteousness could not be lowered to allow these people in. This man was watering down everything we stood for. These people had to admit there sin and bear the consequences, they had to change, to become like us if they wanted to be holy. Why should the last be first? I come before God leading a righteous life, and thankful that I am. Why should I thank a slave for serving me? It is their duty. This man was challenges everything that I valued. Every part of my culture. Everything I had know from my childhood about the way the world works. He could not continue this way, he would destroy our faith. Those poor souls who followed him, they only encouraged him by hanging on his every word. Shame for them. Did they not see the craziness of what he was doing. Someone had to stop it all. Someone needs to stamp out those who drift away from holiness and and lead others into sinful places. It could not go on any longer.

I was nervous that night, I knew we had to do what we had came for. Yet there was still that hint of power in this man and that made me nervous. We managed to swede one of his disillusioned followers into helping us. We walked up the path and came upon him in the garden.

His other disciples leapt to his defines. Fear shot through me as one of them drew his sword. Before I knew it my ear had been sliced off and was lying on the ground. My knees grew weak and I felt slightly dazed. He stepped closer, I cringed. He picked up my ear and lifted it to my head, I squeezed my eyes tightly closed. Not sure what to expect. He was angry that we had come at night. I felt managing sensation and when I opened my eyes, it was healed. My ear, healed. He had healed me, the enemy. He didn’t even fight now. He just followed. Something sunk inside my stomach, I lingered as the others lead him away. That power was real to me that night, it had been more than a slight feeling, it was an overwhelming sensation.

Maybe he was the Messiah. Maybe he was of God. For I had never know such a feeling before. But if he was God’s messenger what does this mean? What about everything he said? His words turn upside down everything I have ever know, ever believed in. What am I to do?
I feel liberated yet still slightly threatened. Can I possibly live the enormity of what he asks? How can I not?

a couple of interesting quotes

2006-07-25T20:00:00.000+10:00

"I am convinced that if we lose kids to the culture drugs and materialism, of violence and war, it's because we don't dare them, not because we don't entertain them. It's because we make the gospel too easy, not because we make it too difficult." - Shane Claiborne

A scene from the Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe....

Lucy is about to meet Aslan, the lion, and she asks, "Is - is he a man?"
"Aslan a man!" said Mr, Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion - the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ooh!" said Susan, "I'd thought he was a man. Is he- quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King. I tell you." (C.S Lewis, The Lion, the witch and the Wardrobe).

Let us not think God is safe, let us take comfort in a God who is good.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I started uni today. Table Spirituality. We will be exploring the spirituality involved in food and relationships around the table. Finding God in those routine and taken for granted practices of life. I am really excited about it, it sounds fantastic, I can't wait to get into the class.

A time of sharing

2006-07-23T15:50:00.000+10:00

Church was great this morning. Great because people shared parts of themself and their journey with God.
I was so proud of the young people for sharing and participating this morning!! It really is fantastic to hear what is going on for them and even more fantastic that they shared with the wider church community! What an encouragment!!!
It was also great to hear from other people in the church and to find out how God is talking to them.

I came away from church feeling like the church as a community had connected with each other and God, a real buzz!

So anyway, will chat more later. Just going to leave a quote from Ghandi:

"There is enough for everyone's need, but not enough for everyone's greed!"

Gerbra Smiles

2006-07-19T18:19:00.000+10:00

Liam picked me up from the station today (as he usually does) and he had a beautiful bunch of gerbras for me.
It was so nice!! It really made me smile! It's amazing how much a little thing like that can make you feel so good.
But I think in this situation its more the fact that the flowers are just another way that Liam shows me that he loves me and that is what makes me smile!

2006-07-18T20:58:00.000+10:00

I was wondering today. Why do I have a bias to the poor? What is it that draws me to care?

My passion to study Social Welfare was motivated by a desire to help others, those who were ignored by others.

I tend to feel more compassion for the one who has few friends or struggles through life.

When I think about society I am upset that those in lower socio economic parts of community are not supported - but pushed further into the ground.

When I think about the world abroad I am saddened at the poverty. I am upset by the number deaths caused by things like dirty water and lack of sanitation and hunger.

When I read the bible all I can see is Jesus compassion towards the poor. He spent most of his time with them. Most of the miricales recorded are Jesus interaction with those overlooked. He praises the poor for having great faith, while the religious leaders do not understand.

So where is it that I developed this perception?
- I guess my parents share some of these attitudes and have past them on to me.
- The church I grew up in often talked about caring for others and regularly supported 'causes for the poor'
- My study at University only deepened my thoughts on this
- My time doing ER for the Salvation Army
- My placement at Anglicare and Bridgehaven (allowed me to see people fighting circumstances that I'd never seen firsthand)
- My trip to India was a huge influence on this

I heard the following on the news this evening:
"We live in a global community, what happens around the world effects us here."

I thought it was a funny thing to say... They say it in a context of terrorism to install fear into our minds. I ask why isn't it said in the context of world poverty!

You know what else is funny, You see the add for Foxtel - "an affordable price at $39.99 a month"
Then the add for World Vision - "save a child for just $30 a month"

Which one do people chose most often? life? or entertainment?

Just something I was considering...

I tell you there will be no sign!

2006-07-17T22:33:00.000+10:00

Jesus said that to the Jews. They were waiting for a sign, something big to give them guidance. And the Son of God, says to them, there will be none!!

Mark preached on the story in John about the man sitting beside the pool, wanting to be healed. But he was to slow to get into the water. Anyway, the challenge was not to sit beside the pool waiting for something to happen. It was a challenge for me. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for something big, maybe I should stop sitting beside the pool and just jump in.

______________________________________________________

I am reading a great book at the moment, "irresistable radical" or something like that. He made an interesting comment about helping the poor. Lots of people give 'token' help to the poor and this is commened. Yet people who talk about sacrificing comforts in an effort to identify with the poor and truly understand the struggles they face are laughed at!

What is James talking about if not this in Chapter 1:9-11.

Why are we scared of giving something of ourselves, something of our material wealth?

Also check out James 1:22-25, we can't just hear this radical word and do nothing!!!

Why doesn't God sms??

2006-07-13T20:15:00.000+10:00

So silly question I know.

Sometimes I find it so hard to hear from God. I know don't what is my own bias. Even when I talk about this with others I wonder what bias they have. Especailly when I feel God is challenging me outside my comfort zone. How do I know what is me saying no (cuz the challenge is too hard) or yes (because it seems appealing) and what is God saying yes or no?

Sometimes the things I feel challenged to do just seem way too overwhelming!! How do I discern whether it is God crazy or whether it is melissa crazy? (Cuz I know what Jesus did was sometimes crazy, I know what John Wesley and William Booth did was sometimes seen as crazy)

Let me use an example....

When I was getting married to Liam, I felt like it was definately a God thing (something I still believe) - yes people around me confirmed this, but if they hadn't - would I have listened? Those people knew a lot more about what marriage was about than I.

There has been times during our marriage when I have just gone, "Wow, I'm in way over my head, marriage is so much harder than I thought!" Not to say that it hasn't been a good experience and later strengthened me and my relationship with Liam.

But the point still stands those who were married had a much greater knowledge about the committment I was about to make. Their wisdom was valuable in my discernment.

So I think now as I look ahead at my life and its direction, what do I hear? Which voice is really God speaking?

Don't know if this makes any sense, its just my minds journey, and funniliy enough that isn't always easy to understand.

Judge Melissa

2006-07-08T17:47:00.000+10:00

You know a show that I hate Judy Judy!! I fine it so annnoying, the people, the Judge especially - I find her so mean.
Anyway... I step back and realise how judging I am. I find it really hard not to judge, even though I know I shouldn't.
I especially find it hard not to judge others when I care passionately about something, or I believe that my opinion is obviously the right one! (**tongue in check**)

Just lately I have been reminded how often things are made worse by our "judging." So often we judge people we know little about, but I think we also judge those we know quiet well. Funny thing about that, we may not always beaware of everything that has happened is happening to that person we "know" so well, yet we readily judge their behavior before we gather all the facts.

It's a challenge to me to stop and be slow to judge, to consider the person as a whole.

The thing is in the church we are good at setting boundaries, people "in" and "out" are judged accordingly. I struggle with this concept of "in" and "out" because I feel as Christians we are called to be holy and need to uphold that calling. So to do that we have to be accountable for our behaviour. But I also think that we need to be inclusive of all, and realise that means accepting others as they are and not necessarily askign them to change. As a youth leader, I feel some responsibilty to hold our young people who have chosen to commit their lives to Christ accountable for that choice. I also want to help them grow closer to God and want to encourage them in that. However, I feel sometimes that this can come across as judgmental or exclusive.

Where is the line between living a life of holiness and encouraging one another to do the same and just being legalistic? Maybe this is clearer to others, in my mind at the moment it is kind of blurred. I have some idea but would like anyone's thoughts on the issue.

Barbie Dolls

2006-07-07T18:17:00.000+10:00

So I read this article in the Sun written by one of the readers about Barbie being a bad role model for young girls.
No new revelation, I know. Buts it leads me to ask the question again. Why are our children being asked "If they like looking hot?" Why are children dressed like mini adults (not talking about small pants and jackets- I'm talking about girls in magazines wearing make up and clothing that is clearly not for their age). What do our children see on TV, in the music video shows, (even lots of ads), if not sexualised images of girls and women. We have to stop teaching our children to be sexy skinny models and start showing them how to be healthy children who grow into healthy young girls and wholesome women.

What! the rich miss out!

2006-07-04T20:49:00.000+10:00

My response to the article in this weeks onfire (vol 7 No. 12) - "Does the Salvation Army's focus on the poor mean the needs of the affluent are ignored"

Don't even get me started. If Jesus wasn't here to advocate for the poor and the outcast, what is it all about.

I'd just like to throw back one point.

Of course the rich need Jesus!!! Maybe if they had Him we wouldn't find ourselves in a world with so much poverty.

Mixed Emotions

2006-07-04T19:38:00.000+10:00

Well the last 24 hours have been made up of mixed emotions....

Last night after bible study I was feeling pretty bad, because I thought I had been too harsh. I wasn't regretting the message I wanted to get accross because I felt God nudging me to say it, but I thought I had come across in a judging way. Well, God showed me that he will get the message across even through my uneliquent phrasing. I was happy to read some of the young people's blogs and hear how God had encouraged them through what was said at bible study. So I was happy!

We won Netball, and had a really fun game, again, HAPPY!

Then this morning I had a call from my Dad to tell me that my Nanna had passed away. I felt sadness and relief.
Sadness because whenever someone you love leaves there is grieving.
Relief because I had seen her on Sunday (I don't see her that much, she lives in Traralgon and the last two times I visited Traralgon I didn't get to see her), I was so glad that I got to see her again, just one last time.
Relief because she was sad and now I hope she will be happy, with my poppa.

I don't know if you can die of saddness, but in some ways I feel like she did. She still smiled and laughed, but since my poppa died she had lost the spark of joy that I knew before then. I said to her on Sunday, "Nanna, Are you happy?" She just gave a funny laugh, I knew she wasn't. It was hard to see her sad and I felt so powerless to change that. Now I feel like she can be happy.

Nanna was a lovely person. I remember her warmth and smiles, her kisses her hugs. The beautifully knitted toys she made up, her cosy house which she shared with us. Mostly I remember her love, she really cared about us. She had that love that only a Nanna can give. So I pray that I will remember her always and never forget the wonderful things she brought to my life, I hope I can remember her warmth and be inspired by her.

feeling better

2006-06-20T20:25:00.000+10:00

We have just returned from a week away! It was very relaxing. I am feeling very refreshed.
It went very fast, but it was really good just to stop and do nothing - just what I needed.
I feel nice and refreshed for the next semester!! (but maybe I should speak too soon!).

I have been reading this book Surrender All by Ashley Barker, it is very challenging.
He talks about the importance of community and the need to be incarnational.

I read the beginning of one chapter and he raised the question, "Can we help the poor without actually being with them?"
My gut response was "no way!" - But then when I thought about it, I sit back and consider the same "problem" myself. I DO want to help the poor, but I don't actually want to mix with "the poor" enough to wholly be with them, I mean be incarnational. Yet- on the otherhand I will claim that incarnational mission is the right way to go and that Jesus was incarantional in his mision.

The other challenge for me is the basic concept that we are all equal. While considering working with the poor I think about what I can offer and realise that unintentionally I come to a situation in a position of power, and that is even subconscious in my thoughts. Reading this book reveals how important it is to come into the situation giving the others equal power, that is what real empowering is about.

There have been many more challenges, each one just enforcing how important it is to understand that discipleship IS radical in its nature.

its about me, isn't it?

2006-06-09T18:16:00.000+10:00

I came to realisation the other day just how selfcentred I was being. At the thought of leaving something I had worked hard at, I said no! What will happen to it? If I leave, "it" will go down for sure because I will not be there to keep it going and focussed. Liam asked a very good question... "Just who is the one doing? You or God?

God - was the right answer, but... without me?

I stopped and thought, was my fear that God would stop working when I moved on from something? Who am I that God would no continue without me.

This was a good realisation. It's about what God is doing, not about me. It's nice to think I'm the one doing all the achieving, but really I'm the one God is using.

God is in control - not me!

---------------------------------------------------

I read a good article in the warcry this week, (volume 125, No.23, 17 June 2006, page 7).

"It is my belief that if we want to make a real success of living we need to have a mindset that seeks our own answers in almost every area of our lives. Otherwise we end up being the victims of other people's thinking."

...."The same applies to the challenge of the Christian life. Do Christians just blindly and thoughtlessly accept what other people think and become people with no minds of their own, as some charge?"

..."Never stop asking questions. They only allow us to learn but also invite others to thin matters through. And, be in doubt, God wants us to give him due thought."

some good thoughts...

I'll have some crisps please.

2006-06-08T21:35:00.000+10:00

I went through the drive through with my Grandma one day when I was home from school, she was trying to cheer me up. We pulled up to the speaker and she said, "I'll have some crisps please" - Naturally, I beging to laugh, "Granm, you mean fries" - the girl serving had no idea what it was that we were attempting to order, but I believe in the end I got my fries! (or chips - what ever you call them).

Words are strange things (if you want to read about the power of words check out:> http://popular-outcast.blogspot.com/ but I'm talking about something different - the meaning)

One word can have so many different meanings, at one time, over time or to different people, cultures etc.

Take the word "gay" - for my Grandma this word mean happy, but for most people today this means same sex attracted.
What about "wicked" - for me this word means evil, for some of the youth I work with it means "great" (or the like).
Another example "purchasing" - for me, an aussie, this means to buy, for my Indian friends this means "shopping".
Good old english language - "cards" - what do I mean? birthday cards, thick paper, the ones used for a game?
The context defines it.

So how does communication take place amoungst all these mixed meanings. Well perhaps its no wonder we have so many miscommunications. A word can evoke a powerful thing for one person while for another it has less meaning.

What does the word God evoke in people? Is is a nice image, a fearful thought, apathy, uncertainty, myth, creator, religon, spirituality, church, higher power, judge, friend, big?

We have use a lot of words as Christians... words that "normal" people have a completely different understanding of.
- "washed in the blood of the lamb"
- "salvation"
- "sin"
-"power in the cross"
- "redeemer"
- "church on fire"
-"gospel"
-"sanctified"
-"trinity"

Just to name a few, if you stopped and thought I'm sure the list woulg go on.

It's also interesting when we think about the bible...written in a completely different era (much more distant to me than my Grandmas terms of "crips" and "gay" - and translated from a completely different language - and a very different context).

What words would I have a different understanding of today?

"compassion" - in the Greek means "gut wrenching" - the definition is not my image of soft, gentle, compassion... more disturbing upsetting towards another person.

"Salvation by faith" - this was understood in the context of community, as people in that time had no concept of individuality. Today for us this concept is a personal thing, a decision we make one on one contract with God.

"save" and "heal" are used interchangably by the new testament writers - but for us they are separate concepts, save = spiritual while heal = physical

"faith" is a verb in the greek - an action word. But we understand faith as a mental thing.

"scriptures" - when referred to in the NT can only be talking about the OT, they were writing the NT (and by the way, I reckon that when Paul was writing his letters he didn't know it'd be used as scripture!) we say "scripture" we think of NT and OT.

"Son of David" - for the people in that time meant, someone from a royal line and had polictical meanings. It identified Jesus as the expected Messiah to the Jews.

Funny isn't it, how words carry different meaning depending on the context. Perhaps if we keep this in mind when doing things like reading the bible and talking to others we'd have less miscommunication and much more meaningful interactions!

i am still here

2006-06-04T19:53:00.000+10:00

Hooray!! Assignments finished!

Friday night we took the youth group to the CRASH finals. Crash was a project ran by YFC where young people were challenged to devise a creative response to youth homelessness! It was a fantastic competition. It really raised the awareness of the issues for the young people. The responses we saw in the finals were inspiring, they left the viewer with a sense of challenge, as sense of conviction. The young people captures the issues really well and I believe an awareness has been raised amoungst many communities. The speaker for the night finished by saying that unless you came away changed from the experience (of doing the project) then you have defeated the purpose and are just part of the perpetuating problem.

Most people think homeless - bum, no roof, sleeping on street, lazy, beggar

But the competition and the testimonies shared (by homeless young people) clearly showed that homelessness does not alone mean those things and some of those labels are far from accurate!

Homelessness can be defined as someone who has no place to go, no place of belonging.

I was challenged in many ways by the creative responses, the dance, drama, songs, art and mutlimedia. The question I now ask myself is why have we let our communities disolve. Some places have great communities, but all too many people are not connected to a community. I wonder why because, some many of the complex issues we face in our society could be prevented or lessened if communities were built up and supported.

This morning we read in John - where Jesus mentions numerous times that if we love him then we will obey him.

The two commands Jesus deemed most important... Love God, Love your neighbour.

"If you love me you will obey my commands... Love God, Love neighbour."

(who is my neighbour? then we recall the good Samaritan story)

Jesus knows this is hard for us and he sends his Spirit to help us.

So are we? Are we moving in the Spirit?

I think to myself, if only all the people who label themselves Christians would ask the Spirit to help them love their neighbour, what a great place we would live in!

What a positive the church community could be, what a wonderful part of the community the church could be!!

It is my prayer that I can do this in my life, it is my daily challenge!

never is easy...

2006-05-16T19:24:00.000+10:00

It's not easy when you feel alone. It's not easy when you feel like no one cares or there's noone to turn to.

You know, I have felt alone, felt like God has abandoned me, and it is horrible! I've felt like there is no person who cares and surely that if God cared, I wouldn't be feeling so bad. I guess I have learned that he does always, even when I don't feel like he does. (I know this is easier said that done)

When I'm feeling alone and isolated there are a few things I do depending on the situation I am in...
*sometimes I write, I scream out to God on paper about how I feel, I call out to God and sometimes all I get in response is silence, but it seems to help to get it out.
* sometimes I read the bible
* other times I draw, I find some paper and pastels and just draw what I feel
* then sometimes I turn on a song that I know helps me get rid of my anger, or I know brightens up my mood and I listen to it, and become totally immersed in it.
* sometimes I get a hug from a friend I can trust
* sometimes I talk to a person I know I can trust

I must clarify, I do beleive we are made to be in relationship. God craves relationship with us, and aren't we made in his image. It was too lonely just a one, in the garden of Eden, so God made two. Relationships, companionship are a vital to us as human beings.

I guess that it's about having good relationships. It's funny because relationships and friendships cause us so much grief at times, they can be the thing that leads us into trouble or leaves us feeling hurt. Yet they are almost like air to us, something we can not live without. They can bring joy and happiness and lots of fun to our lives!

Relationships are great and we do find out more about ourselves and God through them, but they can't be the basis of how we judge our own worth.

So I did some training yesterday... dealing with difficult people, it was really good. Lots of it is common sense when you think of it. I was reminded that I am in control of 50% of a conversation, and using that 50% the right way, may just change the direction of the interaction, it may not end up all happy, but it is my 50% that I need to worry about.

Also reminded that I need to ACT not REACT.

Good principles, I need to practice!!

need for sleep...

2006-04-17T21:11:00.000+10:00

Just got back from easter camp, long weekend!

It was a good weekend but full on. We took 11 young people, and I think that they all had a great weekend!
I had a very busy weekend with the girls, but it was fun, the girls are probably glad to get away from me nagging them to go o bed!

An issue that has really been brought to the front of my mind again is how much value girls place in guys and their affection. I heard it said and saw it happen, that girls wanted a guy to feel loved. It caused many fights between the girls and resulted in many hurt feelings and I am sure more will come as the young people go home. Why do these young girls find belonging in the arms of a teenage boy, something so flippant. Their worth should not be found here!

I fear that some of them don't realise that beauty isn't defined by how many boys like them or think their hot, but beauty is based in them as people. Extravegant Love was the theme for the weekend, it was talked about a lot and I do feel that the message got through. However some girls still find their worth in the views of others, the change won't happen in one weekend. When will they find contenment within themselves? When will they know firsthand of God's amazing love for them.

Now before I start sounding all hypocritical and stuff, this is something that I still struggle with. I'd like to point out that people can preach to me and state to me that I am valuable to God and that I am worth something, I can hear and know it, but my attitude won't change until I experience it. Until I learn for myself where my worth should come from. Hence why I think to myself, how do we encourage these girls to know their worth. It ain't going to happen in a sermon, it's a process. Where to start this process I am unsure at the moment, exactly how to go about it I am not sure. But I do know it needs to be done. As I continue to find contentment in myself I will seek ways to share my learning with the girls I am around.

still here

2006-04-06T12:27:00.000+10:00

I haven't posted for ages!
Just so busy, work 6 days this week and uni 1 & 1/2 days. Assignments due. Lots of outh stuff happening, easter camp coming up. Netball, bible study, body jam! Busy!!
Uni is good though, very interesting!! Learning heaps!

so who do we look up to these days anyway...

2006-03-26T14:15:00.000+11:00

I read in the MX magazine on the train home last week about Josh Hartnett (Black Hawk Down). He was concerned that actors like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are promoting a life of self-obsession and shallowness to our young people, you are aspiring to be like them, he says, "What scares me with pop culture is that people are starting to think that's the way they should be....it's like, the culture is so focussed on a more self-oriented, kind of luck-based mentality..."

Yes it seems all but true. Just who are the role models our young women aspire to be? Are we letting them down.

It is my hope that we are setting good examples for these girls, at least as far as we control it.

2006-03-23T20:39:00.000+11:00

So I haven't posted for ages... just been really flat out!

Went to the Netball on Tuesday, it was heaps of fun! Both games were one sided, so that was disappointing. However, it was great to see the games. It was nice to Australia play live.

So I had uni again today, I am really enjoying the study. It is very interesting, however I am starting to feel the pressure of the work load now. But I find it mentally stimulating so I am managing to keep up the study.

It just leads me to wonder why I haven't heard some of this stuff before. I grew up in the church yet I haven't been taught to think this way about the bible yet. For example, actually considering that the books of the gospels were written to different audiences, and for different purposes. Or to look at the stories in the bible and ask why the writer has placed a story where and what message he is giving the reader.

For me these questions have reopened the bible and leave me looking toward a huge book of discovering and so many interesting things to learn. It's no longer stories that I know backwards and things that I feel I cannot live up to. It has become a book with so many things to consider, that has a call for committment one and I now feel motivated to make. A book that has so much to teach me.
I began to wonder why our churches don't explore the bible in this way. Why don't our ministers teach it like this? I really think that it would be a challenge to the church. How could the church become complacent with such a challenge. Wouldn't people want to stay in church if it was so very stimulating! Liam tells me that people don't want it because it's too overwhelming, it becomes to big a challenge.

I guess he is right. I have vague recollection of a minister we had when I was in high school. At the time I only remember the adults implying that he was lacking in Christian values because he didn't literally believe the creation story. As a young Christian I was shocked. A number of people in our church left the church during the ministers stint, partly because of such beliefs their "leader" held. Looking back I wonder whether he was the heretic that they labelled him or merely a minister trying to encourage growth in his church. Trying to challenge them and encourgae them to look at the bible more deeplly.

So will our church listen....maybe not. But I will not sharing the challenges that have come up for me in studying theology.

I think we need to wrestle with our faith to chew it over. It keeps us alive, it makes it real! And certainly not comfortable!

2006-03-11T01:02:00.000+11:00

So how many dumb things do you have to do before you actually are stupid. Sometimes I make stupid decisions, not in big things, but in little things, things that are not a big signifiance... but still I make a bad decision on what should be a easy and basic thing, like money in a parking meter or a tram ticket.

I sometimes wonder whether I have left my brain to rot and it is slowly decaying and gradually I am becoming more and more stupid and more and more unable to make clear decisions when it comes to those little things.

Certainly others wouldn't make such silly little mistakes, and usually I wouldn't. But lately i do. Why? Why when I know better?

Some people might say it's because i don't think something through before I do it, yet mostly I am the sort of person who plans ahead, well at least I thought.

I get frustrated at this, frustrated because I made such a stupid mistake. Frustrated because others know I made such a silly mistake and frustrated because people think that I made a dumb mistake.

Others times I wonder if it's too late, I'm destined to a life of silly little mistakes.

I feel I have come to a point in many ways where I am unable to turn back in some people's opinion of me.

It makes me wonder, how can we, humans wipe the slate clean.... too easily we continually judge/view people by their past, what we've experienced of them, things they're done, said.

Can we really start from scratch, or is it always going to be there... that memory of whatever it is.... tainting the way we view that person, creating the image we see in them, who they are when we define them.

I believe God can do this and oh how I would love to fully grasp this in my own life. Unconditional, wipe the slate clean relationships, as well as the power to move forward in my struggles and give others a reason to wipe my slate clean.

2006-03-09T22:10:00.000+11:00

Life is just so busy.... its overwhemling sometimes. So much to do, so much I want to do. But oh so tired... and I know that I get too stressed and then I'm not happy. In turn I make others unhappy. How can I find a balance.

Sometimes it's all so overwhelming. It builds up inside me and overflows. God help me find your peace. God show me teach me to be quiet and still, to be patient and understanding. Show me to find rest in you.

2006-03-03T21:41:00.000+11:00

So I started uni this week! I am going to be busy! But I am excited about it, it is stimulating. I have found my first two classes have just wet my appetite for it, I only hope that I can keep up this positive outlook.

that's an expensive phone bill

2006-02-27T19:10:00.000+11:00

At my place of employment we have some international guests staying with us.
I print out their phone bills each week, but having recently checked the call costs to
India, for example, where 2 of the guests are from. It is quite expensive, amost $2
Australian a minute, now to put that in context thats 2 thirds of a tea pickers daily wage,
and I know for a fact these guests aren't earning very much more than that. So I really
struggle with the fact that I am collecting the money from them. Most of them now
have phone cards which is a cheaper alernative. I guess it's just another example
of the inequalities between countires. Yes I know things are cheaper in India, but that
doesn't mean it evens out... petrol is one example, they are currently paying about $1
per litre, just like us.

Shopping for sex

2006-02-24T22:34:00.000+11:00

I finished Levy's book. An achievement for me, I haven't read any books like that cover to cover so intensely before.
Weel we all know sex sells, and to some extent, I think we've become almost used to it. Reading this book has made me stop and think about how the adds are trying to sell, what are people wearing, implying, saying.

Levy talks about how sex has become a commodity; "Making sexiness into something simple, quantifiable makes it eaiser to explain & market. If you remove the human facor from sex and make it about stiff - big fake boobs, bleached blonde hair, long nails, poles, thongs-then you can sell it." (p184). Sex then is no longer about personal expression and love, but something that you need to go out and get to have.

When you think about the number of products sold for "our happiness" it depressing. We need anti-wringle cream to mintain a young look, we need the right shoes, makeup, clothes, to get the right guy. Even brands tampons and pads are being sold to us with a "sexy" look. Our culture is emersed in this consumerist mentallity and raunch has become a big part of that.

In the final pages of Levy's book, Candida Royalle states, "Revolutionary movements tend to be co-opted - swalled up by the mainstream and turned into pop culture. It's a way of neutralizing it, when you think about it.... it shuts up the radicals. Once that happens, the real poweer it pretty much dissipated." (p196).

Interesting words....

Intergrate or die?

2006-02-24T22:11:00.000+11:00

I went to the salvo conference, intergrate or die?. It was focussed on intergration of the social and the corps programs of the army. It was interesting. I really enjoyed hearing about the history of the Army, especially in Australia. A key question that came up in discussion later was, How is the Army distinguished in what it does? It resounded with me, the Army isn't really unqiue in what it does anymore, lots of other churches and social agencies offer what the Salvation Army does. It seems to me that one reason the army grew so quickly in the beginning was because it was distinct and radical.

It was really encouraging to sit with a group of fellow Salvationists and Social Workers who wanted to see better intergration between corps and social work. Apparantly William Booth believed they were like twins, and could not be seperated. I like that image, because I see the two as linked. John Cleary told of how the early evangelicals who called people to the alter to give their lives to Jesus. When they came forward they were taken out the back and expected to sign up for the feminist movement or a social justice group! If they didn't want to sign up, they were told to go back and sit down because they weren't serious enough! I can't imagine that happening now, but I bet if it did it would help solve the problem of Christians who make the decision as a result of emotional tugging and forget it the next day, only to go back up at the next rally.

For me faith is about action... yes grace has saved us and we don't need to work to be "saved." But is it because of Christ and my desire to be a disciple that I am required to act.

Something that lots of people pressed was the need to make disciples. General Burrows made a good comment, "Jesus fed the hungry, healed the sick, gave sight to the blind before they were made disciples." Jesus cared for each person equally and unconditionally, there was no obligation to become diciple, and yet many people followed him, many people chose to be his disciples.

It was a great day that raised lots of questions and was a good opportunity to hear from a range of different people.

I went to my Whitely orientation night last night! It was good, it feels like a very welcoming community, I am looking forward to studying there. I feel the most excited about God that I have in a while!

Pigs in Training

2006-02-20T19:32:00.000+11:00

Still reading Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs, chapter five explores the culture in relation to young people. She talks to a teenage boy who says that "there's a lot to look at if you're a guy, and a lot of pressure to make yourself worth looking at if you are a girl" (p148). We are well aware of peer presure these days, well at least I thought so. It is obvious that our young people, particularly young girls, feel an enormous amount of pressure to look and be a certain way. One example are eating disorders. Eating disorders are not hidden, in fact they appear quite regualry in our media, particulary teenage & women's magazines. A women is expected to be airbrush thin but not suffer from an eating disorder. Our teenage girls are given such mixed messages.

So many young girls today dress provocatively, and we might look upon them with distaste. We may be upset to find out how young teenagers are when they become sexually active, and the raunchy thing they get up to. But when we stop and think about where this starts, it is not with our young people. Levy puts it nicely, (p146) "Adolescents are not inventing this culture of exhibitionism and conformity with their own fledging creative powers. Teens are reflecting back our slobbering culture in miniature." We need to do something about our culture before we can expect to see change in our young people.

Levy's book reveals that teenage girls compete to be the skankiest and act this way to attract guys. "For me it's all attached to the guys... Like I have this weird link between certain guys and my own self-worth" was a comment from one girls Levy spoke to (p 153).

That is not something I want to hear from a teenage girl. It scares me that a girl would measure her worth from how guys valued her, but I guess it scares me because I know it is true. So many young girls place value on themselves according to others opinions. I guess I know because for a long time I struggled with, finding worth in myself aside from others expectations/opinions of me. We should be treating our young girls with respect and showing them how to respect themselves for who they are as people, not as an object of someone else's desire. We need to help them find self worth in themselves and in God.

Sex appeal has become a tool for young girls to become popular and gain acceptance with their peers, both female and male. It is not about valuing sex as something special between two people. It is about physical gratification and expectation. They are focussed on getting attention yet are not necessarily prepared or equipped for the implications.

Levy found that most girls who had sex the first time didn't actually want to, it was "voluntary but unwanted." (p163). She states that girls feel "they need to embody" sex and sexiness to be cool. Now we all should be aware of the overwhelming pressure to be "cool" as a teenager.

Our common answer as Christians has been say no, don't have sex until you are married (which is something that I value). Levy suggests that we surround teenagers with a "canyland" of sex in magazines, reality TV, advertising and so on, yet we expect them to ignore all that surrounds them and just so no (p157). What environment are we providing for our young people to discuss this and the issues that surround it, can they talk about what thier actually feelings are. Do they feel comfortable to discuss their struggles in the church? Can they talk about sexuality?
Can we as adults talk about it?

what a lovely weekend

2006-02-19T21:17:00.000+11:00

We had nothing on this weekend, quite unusual for us. It was great! For the first time since we've been married our whole house is free of junk, that's every room clean all at once!

Still reading Levy's book... it raises interesting questions. I'll talk more about this later when I'm finished the book. All I'll say is that it confronts me to do something about how women view themselves and how that impacts our communities. I don't quite know what yet....

This morning's message at church was taken from Romans 2. A challenging chapter, much like the entire book of Romans. Stop judging others. vrs 13 "It is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but those who obey the law who will be declared righteous." Then it goes on to talk about the law and how that will not save you, it is what is in your heart.
I guess that's what it all comes down to, the state of our hearts, are we genuine. It is a challenge to me, to keep my own spiritual life in check, especially if I am in a position where others may follow, like being a youth leader. I like Romans, I think I like it because it's so blunt, straight down the line and I always find it's words a challenge.

This evening we discussed the direction of the Salvation Army, I guess considering our own context at Greensborough. It was interesting to hear others talk of what aspect of the Salvation Army is important to them. I heard my passion echoed in a few peoples comments. I hope for a Salvation Army of compassionate soliders who serve others and build up the community, and does so because of the faith they have with Jesus. I think it's when we journey with people that they meet Christ. Actually I like the new Melbourne Central Division Motto, "acting in love and generating hope". If we all strived for this then I think we would be following Jesus call.

Anyway enough, my mind is still on weekend mode...

female chauvinist pigs

2006-02-13T19:13:00.000+11:00

So I'm reading this book by Ariel Levy, "Female Chauvanist Pigs." It talks about the rise of raunch culture and how women are claim to be liberated but how they are not. The book explores how so much of our culture has become focussed on "sexy." Levy talks to Erica Jong who says, "I think we have lost consciousness of the way our culture demeans women." Women have bought into the idea that sex appeal gives them power. Women have been tricked into believing that flaunting ones body around is liberating, yet the reason for this behaviour lies in the response from men. The "power" is given by the men who objectify women as objects of desire.

I am only part way through the book, but it is raising some very good questions. Our culture has become so hungry for sex and the female body in a very lustful way, it is glorified by not only men but now by women themselves. I see so many girls with the playboy bunny on Tshirts, stickers, on phones, when did we start seeing porn as acceptable, when did we start viewing porn as something to be proud of. Sometimes I think we've come so far that our teenage girls are filled with so many fake images and stereotypes to live up to that we are setting them up to fall. Do some of them even understand what they sing? What the words on their Tshirts imply?

It concerns me that our culture promotes sex and feminity in such a demeaning way. I am not saying that sex should not be talked about, quite the opposite, I think we need to have a healthy understading of sex and about what it means to be a women. Growing up in the church I think sometimes this can be a taboo subject, and because of the "bad" images the are on display in our culture we can be sheilded from it. Frankly I think that it's because of the "bad" images in our culture that we should be talking about it all the more in the church community. It has made me think, as a community of Christians what qualities of being a women are we promoting to our young people?

Anyway, I'll keep reading and keep thinking it over...

2006-02-09T18:32:00.000+11:00

So I had a job interview today, I don't like them much. I spose I don't know anyone who really doess, but I REALLY don't like them. This one was ok, I guess, although you don't really know how you go until you get the result. I was trying to approach this attitude with a different attitude, one where it doesn't mean absolutely everything to me if I don't get the job.

I have worship band practice tonight. I am a bit unenthusiastic, as I am not sure if I will continue with it. I have SO much on at the moment and I don't want to be spread so thin that I can't put in my best in what I'm doing. It's hard because I would like to do so much, yet in reality I can't fit it all in. It will be difficult but I thin kI will have to cut back on things and stop doing some things to make time to do other things well. By the end of last year I was just so worn out and had become very tired, which left me feeling unwell.

So, worship band may just have to be one of those things to go when it comes to the crunch. The problem is when you take on a role at the church there is not very often someone to take over if you stop. We have a lot of people in our church yet we are really struggling for people to help out. We have a great children's music program running at our church and really need more volunteers but no one is putting up their hand to help. In turn those of us who want to see these things happen are left picking up all the extra pieces. We are facing the same problem with our op shop.

Don't get me wrong I know the struggles of being a volunteer, I have been one for years! I guess that's a problem I am facing now, I have to find a balance between paid work and the volunteer work I do. That's why I am considering what I have to stop.

a strange thing...

2006-02-06T23:13:00.000+11:00

I was on the train this afternoon on my way home from work. A lady sitting next to me stopped before she got off and handed me a piece of paper she had ripped out of her bood and folded up. She said, "I wrote something for you..." I looked at her strangely, and she said "use it as a bookmark." I was perplexed. I sat in the train holding the paper wondering what had just happened. Had she merely dumped her rubbish on me? maybe, but she had deliberately ripped it out of her book. Was she sharing her poetry? maybe. Was it something else? maybe. What it puzzled me.

As the train left the station I unfolded the paper and read it, "you must leave this place the cover of your birth and the sheen of the sun in a settled paper scrap." To me, this makes no sense, just ramblings. Yet it took up my thinking for the next few stations until I got off the train.

Strange yet curious.

2006-02-06T22:28:00.000+11:00

I've just returned from Youth Workers conference. It was a good conference, we heard from Ridley lecturer Dave Fuller. One topic he spoke on was the importance of character in the youth worker. Part of this was balancing the tension of being in a culture whilst being set apart. It is something that is a constant challenge for me and has been for some time. I have particularly noticed this since returning from Inida. India was a huge challenge to my lifestyle and made some of the convictions that I felt previously very real.

Our culture is fully submersed in comforts and fulfilling wants, meanwhile others go without essential needs. It is a challenge for me, as a Christian, and particularly as a Salvationist, to live a life that meets my needs but doesn't become excessive. We have become so used to comforts that it is hard to see where to draw the line between what is "want" and what is "need". It is all too easy to justify the things I want.

Then there are times when becoming part of the culture is so vital, I was reading about when Tucker was sent by the Salvation Army to India. Tucker required all his soliders to embrace the life of the outcasts lived, to wear the clothes and bare feet and sleep on the floor. There are times when becoming part of the culture is neccesary for effective mission.

another year has began

2006-01-31T16:13:00.000+11:00

my minds journey: January 2006

A new year brings with it new beginnings, new challenges, new hopes and new ambitions.

For me this year has brought with is something new. 2005 was a big year and I learned so much, I feel like I am finally ready just to sit back and live out what I am learning. It will be a year where I try to put my beliefs into action.

I have come to a place in my life where my whole world view has been thrown upside down and out the door and now I am left looking at a thousand pieces, ideas, convictions, and expectations. This year will be about putting this together so I can seen it more clearly.

God has shown me life is not about attaining but about the journey. I have come to realise that for me life was very much about setting goals and achieving them, chasing a vision and seeing it come to fruition. Which is great! But what I see now is that I became so caught up in the end result that I missed the journey.

Recently my husband Liam and I went to Wilson's Prom, during our stay we went for an hike sealer's cove. Now I am not a hiker and this was my first overnight hike. During this walk I made a deliberate choice to enjoy the sights as I walked, to soaked in the smells and look with awe at the sights around me. As a result I had a wonderful time! It was so freeing just to enjoy the moment. It is with this attitude that I will attempt to approach life with this year.

I am studying theology part time while working part time. I look at this study as an opportunity to grow personally and spiritually and am looking forward to the journey of personal growth.

So thats my intention this year, I hope I have the ability to follow it through!

Introducing Melissa

2006-01-31T13:10:00.000+11:00

My name is Melissa... I am married and attend the Salvation Army.